Tea Parties and Toothless Racists

The town where I work is relatively small. Population: about 18000. Percentage of Republican voters: 61%. This statistic has remained fairly unchanged for quite a few years now. It should therefore come as a surprise to no one when I say that the town has a remarkably high "Tea Party" presence. The "Tea Party", as we all know, is a relatively recent mingling of a bunch of conservative white people with a bunch of other conservative white people, many of whom have very little or severely limited education. I haven't always held this belief. They would have you believe that they are correct in everything they believe, because the Bible tells them so.

 Okay, I once thought. That's compelling, I admit. So what do they believe? 

This is the story of how I formed my initial opinions of the Tea Party aside from the horrible feeling I already had in the pit of my gut from listening to Sarah Palin speak.

I'm a young man. Surely I'm impressionable. As the quote goes from Meet the Fockers, my "mind is like a sponge." I see the comings and goings of the world around me and I form concepts about life, the universe, and everything (42) based on what I see. Until those concepts form I am an eager sponge, bravely open to any and all ways of thinking. So naturally, when I met my first Tea Party member, I was intrigued to learn what he stood for. Let's call him Andy.

ME: "So, what exactly does the Tea Party hope to accomplish?"

ANDY: "They wanna hawl them Democrats out of the White house and get us back goin' by the constitution. We're gunna make government smaller and put the power back in the hands of the people."

ME: "Cool. Which part of the constitution?"

ANDY: "Alluv it."

ME: "Any parts in particular?"

ANDY: "We ain't gonna let them take our guns away is what! Or elect any more [censored (See synonyms for "African American")] presidents."

ME: "Have you ever read the constitution?"

ANDY: "My preacher told it to me at church."

As you might imagine, I quickly became a bit skeptical of the tea party. I'll grant that I certainly don't want to lose my right to own a gun. But then again, last time I checked, that right hadn't gone anywhere. Let's face it, some issues just aren't very relevant in choosing a candidate. Take abortion. Elect right-wing bible-thumpers all day long, but don't do it hinging on the hope that they'll overturn Roe vs. Wade. I hate to tell you ("you" being my many, many Republican readers), but we've had quite a few conservative public officials since that case went through, and not a one of them has done anything about it. Sort of like how we've had so damn many liberals come through, yet all our enthusiastic friends still somehow retain their obnoxiously large gun collections. But I digress.

Back to Andy, though. I had something else to check on with him. There's backstory: A little over a year ago, a banner went up on a spare piece of land along one of the major highways into the town where I work. It still remains today, courtesy of local Tea Party members. This banner sports a massive (think billboard size) black and white portrait photo of the late Joseph Mccarthy hanging from an empty semi trailer. The heading reads: "A True American Hero - Joseph Mccarthy - Right All Along." It disgusts me every time I go by. I'm no communist. I grew up in a fine christian home with plenty of good old 'Merican values. But even I can appreciate the level of oppression this man would have wielded over this country if given the chance. It's not just my opinion. I grew up watching documentaries about the guy on PBS, reading biographical exposés about all the shit he tried to pull. It's common knowledge. You want specifics? Need me to prove myself and my knowledge? Fine. You ready for this? You sure? Okay, you asked for it:

Joseph Mccarthy denounced Lucille Ball as a communist. You read correctly. Joseph Mccarthy did NOT love Lucy. Allow me to speak for everyone when I say that this rat bastard can burn in hell.

Anyway, this banner had troubled me since it went up. I wondered what the people behind it were thinking. Let's ask Andy!

ME: "So what do you think of the big Mccarthy banner on the way into town?"

ANDY: "They're absolutely right!"

ME: "Do you know who Joseph Mccarthy was?"

ANDY: "No..."

That, my friends, is the story of how I developed my initial, disdainful opinions on the Tea Party. Make your own choice, by any group that would allow ignorance to grow to the point of idolizing an oppressive autocrat gets no respect from me. Andy is not the sole representative I've spoken to, merely the most colorful (figuratively speaking, of course. He was white). That said, all others managed to have an equal ratio of holes in their logic.

Have you ever spoken with a Sarahpalinite? Have you heard them make any sensible points? What about laughable ones?